selfish

I have a crush.

Well, I don't like to call it a crush. My sister asked "Is a crush not unrequited love?" and my answer would be that I prefer to make a distinction, that a crush is superficial and based on first impressions, without really knowing the person, while love, requited or not, requires more familiarity than seeing the person in passing and perhaps occasionally making small talk. (Actually, Wikipedia has some interesting things to say on the topic in the articles crush, unrequited love, and limerence (or infatuation).) Be that as it may, it's easier to say "I have a crush" than "I have an unrequited love," so:

I have a crush. She knows, we have discussed it once already. There are at least a couple reasons why she does not reciprocate - and for those of you who don't know about this crush already, no, she is not married or even in a relationship right now. I'd prefer to leave things this vague for now.

It's hard not to be selfish. It's hard to resist trying to persuade her that it'd work out and be good for both of us. Occasionally it's hard to keep a respectful distance and not try to sweep her off her feet. It's hard to fully share her point of view and say yes, this is better.

It would be harder not to be her friend. It would be harder not to respect her feelings and her situation, and give her the space she needs. It would be ever so much harder to lose her friendship. It's hard to decide if I should even be writing and posting this much about it.

It's hard to be lonely.