still Toad

The thing about the list is that whether or not I'm actually writing one down, I do have those tasks to take care of. Some of them are unimportant, do-anytime tasks, which is why they keep getting put off. Some of them are very important but ongoing tasks, things I need to be doing regularly, and those get put off because I just don't want to deal with them, or because I don't want to face the ones I feel are most important and don't want to tackle anything less important first because the ones I loathe have priority and need to be done. 

Doing nothing sucks.

Anyhow, the point being, keeping a written list wasn't helping me get stuff done, but I can't say it was actually preventing me from getting things done either—they weren't getting done before I started the list, and they're still not getting done now that I've stopped.

I've managed to make a few motions in the direction of doing things in the past few days. Still much more thinking, and avoiding, than doing. 

I was told recently not to be so hard on myself, and it's a good reminder. But I believe I err as much on the side of letting things go as I do on being too hard on myself; the two problems amplify each other. I clearly need better ways, better mental habits, to motivate myself without then feeling like I've done something and slacking off. 

This is all redundant of course, but it's the best I can do without being overly morose. I do have other things to write about—at least one concert review, some creative writing I could get back to—but I haven't been thinking of those things when I sit down with not much time left in the day to write a post.

And it's about time to wrap up this post so I can catch a bus home. Something better tomorrow.